Loneliness
This loneliness is hard
Somehow we are not created for this
I bump into walls impenetrable
I long for a place to gather and pray
I long for a sister mighty to lead in prayer
But there is no one
Thinking of it, its not easy to lead
The one who leads should be the one who serves
And no one is willing to serve, not even me
I am waiting for the classes to start
When I will have work to do
Being idle is wrecking my soul
It makes me bitter and angry
But I understand that all these things are only fleeting
I understand people better now
I know what they will say
All the silly things they say about me
They want you to be perfect
While they themselves have all the reasons in the world to be imperfect
But my loneliness still remains
My frustrations are vented on my kids
I wish I could be a more responsible mother
I wish this season would soon pass
A good fellowship is needed for a peaceful life
But if you can't find one
You need to go through this phase
The loneliness phase
The waiting Phase
Though it causes me to moan and groan
I will go through it
Though it causes me to ignore my kids and the blessings of God in my life
I will go through it
I will go through this fire of loneliness
And I would again choose God over man
I will choose Him all over again!
Update:
I wrote this blog on July 23, 2024. I was having a hard time during the summer break and these words came out of my heart. But on July 26, 2024 - just 3 days later after I wrote, "I choose God over man", I got a message from someone asking me to serve kids in their ministry. Isn't that awesome. God helped me find the way and walk in it. Thank you God:)
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