A strange Problem

 A strange problem:

While growing up, I felt stuck and crushed by my self righteous cousin. It was hard. On the outside, she had the reputation of a perfect christian but on the other side she was jealous and evil in everyway towards those near her. That was bewildering. Born to a mom of CSI denomination and a dad of Catholic denomination, I found my cousins diabolic nature very disturbing and my cousin came from my mom's side. When I got saved in the summer of my 10th grade, I had the choice to choose between the 2 denominations and I chose to be a Catholic because of the horrible experience with my cousin sister. 

But when I went to college, I met a person called Shyba. She was a CSI christian, but she was unlike my cousin. She was truthful and sincere. She told me that Jesus was all she had and she didn't want to lose Him ever. Those words pierced my heart and slowly as our friendship grew, I knew I had to embrace Jesus and not hold on to any denomination. I went to Assemblies of God Church and when it was time to get married I strongly insisted that I would never marry a Catholic. Anyway God worked through all this and caused me to marry a wonderful godly man Gladson. He is a man who keeps his word and is righteous and never would think of evil towards others. Most importantly, he loved God and that was all I wanted too. 

By this time, I had forgotton all my troubles growing up with a cousin who was nothing but pain. Alas, now, I find myself in a similar situation. My neighbours are professing christians who on all grounds are the replica of my cousin of yester years. They practise religion like a politician. They speak as they wish. They approach God as they wish. They frame me for things I have not done. Their doctrines are despicable. They are leaders and chosen vessels, yet they are a stench to me. Why does it have to repeat itself? The past I thought I left behind seems to follow again. The people I thought I am done with surround me. Why? And I find myself weak and miserable. Maybe I should avoid them all together or maybe I should be a part of them? These questions haunt me. 

In my misery, I try to find God in all this and find it hard. Its like a river of hatred and turmoil that seperates me from God. But amidst this turmoil, I pray that I survive. I pray that I overcome. I pray that I do the right thing. I pray that the mist would disappear and I can clearly see the way. The way that leads to eternal life. 


Dear God,

I feel miserable and torn apart in everyway.  This obstacle is like a mountain too big for me to cross over. I have lost my strength and every bit of sanity. But God, let this be a memory, so that when I cross over I will be able to look back and wonder how you had helped me. God, please help me to cross over this giant mountain of a problem which I don't understand. Please do not leave me nor forsake me. Don't give me over to my weakness. Like Jacob would you help me to lean on You and though I am a cripple Lord, help me to cross over. 

In Jesus Mighty Name I pray,

Amen


Discalimer : I am sorry that this content is more of my struggles but it helps me to write and make sense. Have you faced a difficult situation like this. What is your experience and how did you respond?

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