The Solution

This is a story of my great grandfather and it has something to do with me. He was a farmer and a landlord. Early in the morning, during a specific time, water was routed to his farm after the neighbouring farm was watered. That woeful day, it was past the usual time and his neighbour would not let him to route the water to his farm. Angered by this, my great grandfather, who was well versed at Indian martial arts, gave the neighbour a blow that made him paralysed and bed ridden for the rest of his life. Alas, my great grand father just could not tolerate injustice and took the vengence in his own hands! 

Let's skip one generation and talk about my dad. Growing up, I had watched my dad. He is a quiet man and soft spoken. But there are some things that would cause him to explode. Example - A queue in a hospital or train ticket booth. When a person does not follow the line etiquette and join in the middle, it will cause my dad to explode in anger. His perspective I think is : How dare a person unjustly enter a queue midway when everyone else is quietly waiting for their turn! And I think my dad interited that trait from my great grand father. 

Fast forward to me. I think, I am a person who don't like to poke my nose into other people's life and I expect the same from others. I don't like gossip and don't want to be gossiped about. Sounds fair to me. But you see, we live in a fallen and broken world and we will be judged and spoken ill about in this side of the world. I can't stop people from talking about me, even if it lies and even if they hate me for no reason. And that makes me angry. So angry. How dare they judge me. They don't know me or my circumstance. And just like my great grand father and my father, I stumble over that stumbling block of my character. The gene that I inherited from my great grand father through my father. The anger consumes and eats me each passing day. It creates pathways in my mind that go over and over the offense that others caused in my life. It makes me to cry out "I didn't do any evil to them but they did evil to me". My days are filled with thoughts of anguish and hatred towards them. This is torture. 

The Solution:

You see even though I suffer with this fleshly weakness, when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, He sent His Holy Spirit to dwell in me and now, God is my Father too. So I have hope. A sure hope that I will be delivered from this fleshly body and take on a glorified body. I rest my eyes on this Hope. Because the Holy Spirit dwells within me, I am not Nita. It is Christ who lives in me. The life I live, I live for Him. God is the judge. He is the One who takes vengence not me. So I have all these promises in my mind and try to go through each passing day. I have Hope in Jesus. I have a God who helps me to persevere and endure. I don't have to give in to my anger. I depend on God for help. 

Dear God,

My life is miserable. But like a baby I will cling to you. I will not give in to my emotions. I will turn to you in my weakness. I will rest my eyes on you. From you O Lord, my help comes. In my lowly state, I will humble myself before you. In the right time  you will lift me up. 

In the Mighty Name of Jesus we pray,

Amen.